Justin: The Beginning

Yes, My Master.

When the EFF did movie tickets at Regal MacArthur start costing $9?! And suddenly matinee only applies to movies before 3 PM? What year is this? What has happened?

Know what's cool? The Tag and Bink Star Wars comic book.

Rather than film snobbishness where I look at every legitimate site's top 100 list or something and say what I have seen and what I disagree with, etc. (see: posts prior to this), I thought it would be more interesting to go the other direction.

Ok, so, out of IMDB's Bottom 100 Films, how many have I seen? No, wait, not good enough. How about the IMDB list PLUS Rotten Tomatoes Worst 100 Ever? Bear in mind, of course, that there are several dozen movies that occur on both lists.

• Chairman of the Board
• 3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain
• Glitter
• Simon Sez
• Kazaam
• Ed
• It's Pat!
• Hercules in New York
• The Neverending Story III
• Jaws: The Revenge
• Teen Wolf Too
• King's Ransom
• The Master of Disguise
• Battlefield Earth
• Baby Geniuses
• The In Crowd
• Bloodrayne
• Texas Rangers
• The Perfect Man
• Big Momma's House 2
• The Adventures of Pluto Nash
• Summer Catch
• Glitter
• Johnson Family Vacation
• Envy
• I Still Know What You Did Last Summer
• Jawbreaker
• Boat Trip
• Date Movie
• The Skulls
• Stealing Harvard
• Kangaroo Jack
• A Night at the Roxbury
• Out Cold
• Valentine
• Juwanna Mann
• Say It Isn't So
• Slackers

Know what's worse? That like, a FAIR amount of those titles on the Rotten Tomatoes list were #1 or top-3 at the box office during their theatrical run. People, just because it's the 00's and more movies are being produced annually than ever DOES NOT MEAN YOU HAVE TO GO SEE THEM.

Secondly, all three of Uwe Boll's wide releases in America (Bloodrayne, Alone in the Dark, House of the Dead) are on BOTH LISTS. Yet he has six more projects either ready to be released or are in development...INCLUDING SEQUELS TO BLOODRAYNE AND ALONE IN THE DARK. What is this?! I hate this man with every fiber of me.

Check this!

• House of the Dead (budget: $12 million) made $5.73 million
• Alone in the Dark (budget: $20 million) made $5.1 million
• BloodRayne (budget: $25 million) made $2.42 million

So, after he made two films where he was a grand total of $22 million away from breaking even...someone thought it would be wise to give him $25 million?

Annoying bonus fact: a German law allows investors in German-owned films to write off 100% of their investment as a tax deduction; it also allows them to invest borrowed money and write off any fees associated with the loan. The investor is then only required to pay taxes on the profits made by the movie; if the movie loses money, the investor gets a tax write-off.

So, in short: he gets money because -- in English -- Uwe Boll films are a charity.

Want more?

In June 2006, Boll challenged his critics to "put up or shut up". His production company issued a press release stating that Boll would challenge his 5 harshest critics each to a 10 round boxing match. To be eligible, the critic must have written two extremely negative reviews of Boll, in print or on the Web, in 2005.

Good gracious, I wish I had known about this. Nothing would have pleased me more than to write two scathing reviews of his work and then physically end his career (and his life, if fate smiled on me).

I recommend you go out and buy the Michael J. Fox audiobook, Lucky Guy, at Barnes and Noble. It's only $6 and it's a very good book -- although more of a memoir than a book, admittedly, not to mention it is read by Michael himself. Very inspiring and touching.

Song recommendation: "Johnny B. Goode" by Marty McFly with the Starlighters
I know it's not really Mike Fox doing the playing or singing but who cares.
Movie recommendation: Pulp Fiction
I watched it tonight on some movie channel that I didn't even know we had on digital cable. It's a wonderful film to stumble across when you have nothing to do.

The Hand Strikes and Gives a Flower,
Juuuuuuuuustin

posted by Justin @ 8:22 PM